10 Things To Never Say To Someone With A Deployed Soldier

I got this off a military support website and thought it was a REALLY good thing to share. I've been asked some of these questions before, and I gotta tell you...it's pretty hard to be nice to people when they ask some of these things. Have some respect for the men and women that give their lives so you can live out your own freely, people!

10 Things To Never Say To Someone With A Deployed Soldier

I have been through a few deployments myself and I'm always amazed by some of the comments received. Through our time in the Army, I've heard quite a few and heard many more that have been relayed to me by other Army wives. So I decided to develop the top ten things you should never say to someone who has a soldier deployed. Ready?

1. I don't know how you do it.

Well, guess what? In all honesty, I don't know how I do it either. I just do. Because really, what other choice do I have?

2. I could never deal with it if my husband was gone for that long.

Hmmm...how does hearing how someone else can't deal with it help me to deal with it?

3. Are you scared that something may happen to him while he's there?

This one has always really perplexed me. Of course, I'm scared. I wouldn't be human if I wasn't. But being reminded of the fact that something may happen to him doesn't help me out.

4. Do you miss him?

Every time I was asked this, I just wanted to respond "Oh, no, definitely not. I like it when he's gone. It gives me the chance to be all by myself 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Who wouldn't want that?" Of course, I miss him. Wouldn't you miss your husband?

5. I know just how you feel. My husband was on a business trip last month for three days and I just thought I would die.

Are you kidding me? First, I barely notice now if my husband is only gone for three days. Second, unless his business trip was to a place where everyone is openly carrying a gun in the street trying to kill him and suicide bombers and roadside bombs are prevalent, its not remotely close to being the same. The only thing I may give you on this one is that you know what it's like to sleep in an empty bed.

6. Do you worry about him cheating on you? Or along the same lines...How can you go without sex for so long?

Well, people, it is a little thing called self control. That and a love for my husband and respect for my marriage. Do some people cheat? Sure they do - both here in the states and overseas. But people cheat in civilian marriages too. Being in the military has no bearing on that.

7. How can you sleep at night knowing your husband is a murderer? Won't you be afraid when he comes home?

This one sets me off more than any other. No soldier is a murderer. Have they had to kill someone? Quite possibly. But there are a great many soldiers who never have. It's not something they talk about in daily conversation. Regardless of what they do overseas, it does not make them a murderer. They are in a war zone and following orders. I have never once even had an inkling that I should be afraid of my husband because he is a soldier.

8. I'm so sorry your husband had to be deployed. Don't you just hate President Bush?

My husband joined the military of his own free will AFTER 9/11 knowing full well that he would probably be deployed. The President may be the one running the show, but both my husband and I knew what we were getting into when he joined. I'm proud of him and his accomplishments. And I don't discuss politics or religion with anyone. :-)

9. If you truly supported your husband, you would be protesting so..he wouldn't have to deploy again/could be brought home/the war would end.

Really? My definition of support must be much different than the definition of support by these people. Supporting my husband means supporting him in what he does and what he believes in. It does not mean disrespecting the men and women who volunteered to defend our country and our rights. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have the right to protest in the first place. I'm certainly not putting myself in a position where it could be construed as anything other than 100% support for our troops and their families.

10. I can't believe your husband did this to you. Aren't you mad at him?

Um, what?! My husband didn't do anything to me. He honors his agreements and he follows the orders of his superiors. There's certainly nothing sad or maddening about having a husband who fulfills his commitments. Don't feel sorry for me. I'm proud of my husband and I completely support him.

No News is Good News?

Hey Boys & Girls,

A few updates from the Stegherr house hold. There really isn't much to update on! It's been just over 3 weeks since I saw Ian last. He's doing well in Germany for the most part I believe. He's started coaching kid's soccer on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. He's been pretty busy with trying to hunt down some means of transportation over there, because that will determine what kind of housing he could look for us, or just me. But it's important to be able to have a way to get around. Right now, I think he mostly feels a little trapped on the base. Because it's a smaller post, and also in the middle of no where practically, and most of the base is all deployed..it makes it seem rather desolate and isolated, I think. Ian seems to be keeping himself pretty busy though, with work and looking for transportation and housing for us, and also coaching the kids in soccer, as well as hanging out with the guys and families from his unit. (And I'm sure there are some video game nights involved in there as well!) All in all, Ian seems to be doing okay.

I, on the other hand, am trying my best to be patient and wait upon God's timing to get me over to Germany. But it's been a little rough on me. Being seperated from your spouse always leaves a bit of tension and strain upon your marriage. And unfortunatly, Ian and I have a life that leaves us with lots of time apart. So any prayers that people would wish to pray for us, you can pray for this:
-That our time apart would strengthen us and our marriage, and not cause us to drift further apart from one another.
-That when we are reunited with one another, the transition period into being back around each other would go smoothly, and we wouldn't hurt one another with bitter or resentful hearts.
-That, if it's God's will to get me over to Germany to be with Ian, that would happen sooner rather than later, and that I would have the grace and patients to be able to deal with whatever comes my way.

I think other than just missing Ian, everything is okay for the most part. I'm having a good time spending time with my parents, and doing daily life with them for a while. I went to school with my mom (since she's a 1st grade teacher) and helped her with her first day of school. That was fun. I've been camping with my parents and some extended family a couple of weeks ago, which was a nice trip. And helping my dad out around the house with things here and there has been fun as well. All in all, I have little to complain about, and everything to be grateful for.

Thank you for the support and prayers.

Sincerely,
Ashley

The Waiting Game...

Hello All,

Ian and I are at our appropriate destinations for the present moment. I'm in Texas with my family and Ian is in Germany! God was so good to bless us with Ian's promotion just before Ian left!! A few more pieces of paper need to be signed, but other than that, Ian is officially "MSgt Stegherr" (E-7). I am very proud of him! We're also very thankful that God had Ian's promotion board go smoothly. We had been praying for that a lot. Thank you to all of our friends and family that had us in your prayers!

Things with our apartment and storage unit went smoothly for the most part. All worked out in the end and went well, and we got our FULL security deposit back from our landlord. Thank you God!! We got almost all of our things into our stroage unit, and the few things we couldn't fit either Ian and I put in our cars to leave them there. Or a couple trusted friends graciously allowed us to store a few things at their homes. THANK YOU guys!! We couldn't have done it without your help.

So far, Ian's been gone for about 6 days. I've had one shorter phone call, and two brief e-mails. I take that to mean that Ian is working hard and staying busy. At the moment, I don't even know what kind of internet access he has, or "free time" to write or call. But I know he's probably working very hard at trying to get things set up quickly and working hard on finding a way to get me over there to join him as soon as possible. I wish I had more information to report on Ian, but at the moment, I'm still just playing the waiting game.

Prayer Requests:

-Please pray that God's will would be done in our lives, and that He would make it abundantly clear whether or not I am suppose to join Ian in Germany.

-Please continue to pray that God would work things out for my trip over to Germany. That I would be able to fly space A, without any hook up or problems and make it to Germany quickly if that is God's will. Also that I would be able to find an affordable place to live while I am there. We don't know if Ian and I will be allowed to live together over there or not. So be praying for God's will in that area as well.

-Please pray for Ian as he gets to know the guys that he'll be working with over in Germany. That he would be able to find christian men to help provide him with a support system.

-Please continue to pray for our departure from Germany and coming back into the United States. We really need God's guidance and direction in providing us with a job and place to live when we return home from Germany.

Have fun watching the Olympics everyone! We're enjoying watching it at my parents place. I hope every one is doing well. Please feel free to leave comments if you have any questions!

Love,

Ashley